In the summer of 2021, I quit my full time job to stay home with my two kids. I thought I was ending a chapter of balancing work and parenting, jumping fully into the world of Parenting, with a capital P. I envisioned myself doing preschool at home, attending events with the double stroller in tow, and tending a community garden plot with the help of tiny, muddy hands. This was my time to master cooking affordable, healthy meals with lots of leftovers and create a genius house-cleaning schedule. I would be a cool, fun, organized, stay at home mom for a season.

Then almost immediately plans changed, as I got offered some part time contract work. This was great news, as it provided needed financial support for our family, but it did take some hours away from my teaching/cleaning/sourdough/parenting-podcasting-listening routine each day.

Back at it, we did follow through in some of my best-laid plans. We went to story time at our local library, picked fresh berries at nearby farms, set up playdates and utilized our membership at the science museum constantly. I was killing it!

Then my kids got sick, roughly one thousand times. Constant ear infections, colds and flus, several rounds of COVID and more kept us home a lot. There’s nothing cool, fun, or organized about staying home sick. Nobody is mastering new recipes on two hours of sleep with fevers. Even in healthy seasons, there were days that were icy or snowy, days our favorite places were closed, or days we just didn’t have plans.
These days (and nights) were often long, draining, boring, and slow. They made me confront my own insistence on productivity and action, which I had to trade for a slower pace, quietness, being present and providing many, many snuggles. It was good for me.

My season of working as a full time parent, who also works part time outside the home (because hello, we ALL WORK, no matter the arrangement), was different than I expected. I taught my kids less and played with them more. I visited the zoo enough times that I can make the birds respond to me. I met more of my neighbors. I didn’t really learn to cook any better. When I look back on this season, I am proud and I am humbled at the same time.

Some pride points:

• Joining local organizations, like Lansing Area Littles or the Moores Park Neighborhood Organization. Having some extra time and mental space to volunteer allowed me to meet incredible people and contribute to my community in meaningful ways.
• Being involved and available. I was able to offer childcare when friends were in need, help set up class parties and had the capacity to organize events and gatherings.
• Getting creative with my hobbies. I wrote and created content for Lansing Mom, and helped our neighborhood get grant money for a brand new playground in the park. I learned to navigate the aisles of Aldi and can give you tips on all the best thrift stores in town.

But it was also hard. I underestimated how much time you are with your kids, when your main job is being with your kids. I’m talking bringing kids to doctor’s appointments for yourself, taking them along on any coffee shop stop, grocery trip, wait in the post office line, or visit to the high-security lab where they test bat specimens for rabies (which is a whole other long story). I was aware of the societal biases against stay at home parents, but I didn’t imagine how it would feel when I was on the receiving end of judgement for something which was really a lot of work — physically, mentally, and emotionally.

So on Monday I go back to work, again. I know it will be tiring, dusting off my public speaking skills and adjusting to finishing a sentence without a toddler interrupting. I know I will miss my kids, thinking of what they’re doing during the day without me and not making it to every field trip. I know I’ll have to let go of some control when it comes to keeping the house the way I like it.

This has been a beautiful, fun, silly, and slow season of growth for me. I am more confident in who I am, as a parent, a person, a neighbor and a friend. I have practiced expressing myself, confronting people when needed, learning from others where I fall short, and appreciating a slow afternoon with no expectations of greatness. And I know all of these things will serve me in this next season, too.

I’m ready, let’s get to work.